Hey

Never know how much I love her untilI saw what I saw today. Buried evidence, rushing to the surface instantly. It's like my love for her never left. But I realized that I don't want it to leave I'm glad it surfaced rather have her love me than to destroy feelings that won't disappear that won't die that won't disintegrate it won't dissipate that won't evaporate they only elevate and  escalate 

Yea. She mad!

hole

uneasy feelings when its time to go home.
use to be a time when going home was something to look forward to
i know what the feeling is
withdrawls from television
no tv so far this month
feel like solitary confinement
only to the mind of a man that was a dependent of the idiot box
yes ima victim
 gave me time to think
cant do the same things no more
but no tv makes me feel like i am missing out on something
hole in my gossip
hole in my daily news
hole in my social life
hole in me... 

confirmation

Dreams remembered are incomplete and i always wondered why they were that way. i have plenty of dreams that i remembered but this one i had in particular recently had my mind in a tailspin. i had some strong emotions about the dream as if it was real. maybe the dream will telling me something i don't know.  the subconscious is a very powerful thing.but the dream showed me one thing, i really do love her.

my mind focused on her the whole dream. it showed her on a date with a guy and my dreams blurred his face. well you knoww when your dream don't make clear of some faces? that was this dream. the point of view of the dream was that of a movie. now on this date i see her having a good time. i never really hear what they speak about but i see they are having a good time.
later as the date progressed, it lead to the part of the date where its either a kiss goodnight and end of date or they go in and really 'date." now as he walked her up to her front door, they were hugged up. he go in and kisses her and to the pleasure of the kiss it led him into the house. they kissed the whole way in. the point of view stayed at the door. i never knew what happened after that. yet it was kinda implied what happens next right?

waking up from that dream, i was furious. not because the dram finished but  because i felt it in my heart that she had sex with him. now keep in mind, this girl is someone I'm not dating. i never dated her at all yet I'm pissed off that she had sex. yes i know it wall all a dream but my emotions is caught up in it. one will say I'm within my feelings. i am. keep it real. but i ask myself why I'm so emotional and angered by this. and i have only concluded is that i love this girl. i really do. i cant deny it when my dream made it perfectly clear. 

so what do i do? do i go tell this girl my feelings? i can tell all my friends excluding her and they will all tell me to tell her how i feel. i should take their advice. what all don't know is that if i do that and she don't feel the same way, not only does the chance of relationship fail, the friendship is damaged or even broken. i say this, as much as i love this girl, i love the friendship more and I'm not the best at gambling so i gotta keep this poker face.

Instagram Beef

This ongoing battle need to stop. B and S need to jus part ways because when you stand alone your Beautiful and Stunning. But this constant battle makes y'all Bull/Shit

Confusion

Thoughts running in my brain clustering my mind want to escape but I have no way to  the exit so runs around like a chicken with its head cut off waited for me to put the thoughts into words that come off soft  but it's afraid to don't know how